How to Start Adding Kink to Your Sex Life

Let me get straight to the point, because it’s the most important point: The more regulated your nervous system, the more kinky you can be. And so many people miss this part when adding kink to the mix.

Sexual freedom requires something surprisingly unsexy: K/nk doesn’t begin with a new toy. It begins with safety. Let me explain.

When your body feels safe, you have more capacity to play, explore, experiment and let go.Think about what happens when you’re in a permanent state of flight, fight, freeze, or fawn... Overthinking, peforming, people pleasing, worrying, planning, wondering how you look, hiding, wondering what your partner thinks. It’s difficult to get adventurous from a state of unsafety or dysregulation.

On the other hand, when you feel genuinely safe with your partner… You can relax, be silly, laugh, let go, get curious, be playful, try new positions/toys/places, speak openly, ask for what you want, and let yourself be fully seen.

From there, possibilities open up... Toys, role play , costumes, different locations, new experiences, new people, exciting positions, bondage, dominance, subsmission, and more. Everyone has limits and boundaries, and not everyone will want to try all of these and that’s ok. But when your nervous system feels safe and you’re both consenting, intimacy is limitless.

Because when you finally have the capacity to explore what turns you on... When you finally feel regulated enough to be authentically you in the bedroom...When you finally love your body for what it can do, not what it looks like... You reach a state of intimacy and ecstasy that transcends the vanilla... It even transcends secs itself. And feels more like utimate, unbridled freedom.

My Intimacy Formula:

Regulation before communication.

Communication before intimacy.

Intimacy before kink.

Excellent sex doesn’t just happen. You create it.