How to Keep the Sexy Spark Alive in Long-term Relationship

First of all, I want you to know that what you’re experiencing - a lost spark in a long-term relationship is very normal. There are many things that have to happen for a long-term relationship to keep its spark. I’ll try to keep this simple here.

Expections

There has to be the expectation that there will be ebbs and flows to connection and chemsistry. You’re evolving and growing, And sometimes you’re going to wake up and think they’re irritating. They give you the ick. Because falling in love equals dopamine. And that doesn’t stick around forever. Know that the sex won’t be as hot as it was when mystery is gone. Expect highs and lows.

Staying in love is a skill

We must transcend our own egos. The sex may not be as hot but it can be different - it can be deeper, more emotionally or spiritually intimate. To love someone fully in this way, we must reach inside of ourselves and trancend the fear that stops us from being who we truly are. Allow the other to see us as we are.

When life is hard

When the environment around us is difficult; bad day at work, stressful time with the kids, we’re going to bring a different energy to the relationship. This is why embodiment practices and shadow work as indivdiuals are so important. When you’re embodied, you can still come together in safety and love and respect, even when the world is chaotic around you.

The Physical Rut

Notice when sometimes we don’t want to show up naked in front of our partner because of the way we are feeling toward ourselves. See my previous article about how to love your body during sex. And give yourself so much love and compassion. Your body wants love from you. It has done so much for you.

You Don’t Know Everything

We think we know a person but there is a lot more to know. In a long-term relationship, we stop asking interesting questions. We forget that this person is an onion, that there are always more layers. If you are both always learning and growig, conversation stays interesting.

Know Their Love Language

Make the effort for one another. Know their love language. Do they love little sweet treats? Do they love the house cleaned before bed time? Do they love to be told “I love you” every day? Do they love to be read to? Do they love your present awareness without phones or distractions? Do they love when you play with the kids? Do they love quiet time in nature together? Get to know what they love and show more of that.

Togetherness and Distance

Every couple must face the challenge of togetherness and distance - we are one unit but separate beings. The dance is what makes me long for you, but togetheress makes me feel safe with you. Too much of either causes stress on the relationship.

Foreplay

The greatest foreplay is watching your spouse be themselves in their element Realising, Oh this person is their own person. Watching them come alive. Watching their inner spark light up. When we remember that we don’t own this person, that sparks desire.

Speaking Up

Speaking up in the bedroom is very important. Tell your partner in the moment that you like something, that you want more of that. On the other hand if you don’t like something, save it for outside the bedroom without any blame or shame - and still focus on the positives when you’re having the conversation. Ask them what they like too. If we can’t talk about sex we shouldn’t be doing it.

Independence Day

Choose one day every week where you don’t talk, don’t see each other, don’t text. Then come back to each other with special, embodied awareness. You’ll have more to talk about!

The Piss-off Party

There are probably 20% of things you don’t like about this person or relationship. They’re going to piss you off. That’s every relationship. When you know this, there is a level of acceptance that there are some things that annoy you - you don’t need to throw away the relationship, just give yourself space, have a mini piss-off party (go to a soak sesh, workout, or have a night in a hotel), and then come back to your partner with gratitude. Focus on what you love about your partner.

Want more spark in your relationship? Get my free Rekindle the Spark Checklist here.